Everyday, all day long, when the sun is out shining and it’s easy to fill my mind with all kinda of thoughts, like about what I need to do later, or what I want for dinner, or how far I should run today, I distract myself. Accidentally and on purpose. I try hard to make myself think other things. I suppress the feelings and the urge to cry. But when the lights turn off, the moon is high in the sky, and I’m forced to lie down with only my thoughts and my music or the background noise of Nick at Nite, I choke up. All those bad things I push out, all the memories I normally silence, come back. I fight hard not to cry every night. But it’s do hard. I feel, no I am so alone. I feel ignored. I could literally scream in his face and he’d keep doing what he was doing because he no longer acknowledges me. As a girlfriend, a friend, a person, or even as the dirt he walks on. It’s the worst feeling ever.
